Dealing with Love’s Ghost

4EDD7CF4-E0C4-46E1-BE9D-60080042EF9C.jpegIt’s been almost three years since you broke my heart and dumped me. When I dated you, I was hopelessly infatuated and so serious about you. I cut my hair when you left me. Now it’s longer than ever.

Looking back I see the warning signs. The red flags that meant our feelings were different. You didn’t call me for three weeks after you returned from a military thing that lasted three weeks. You didn’t call or text while you were gone, claiming you forgot your charger. You came back and spoke of your Sargent often, praising her characteristics and her deeds. I sent you a letter with tears in my eye and you came back to talking to me, apologizing for shutting me out. Any less stubborn, infatuated girlfriend would have dumped you, but I was happy you were still mine. I noticed a girl hanging around you at work. A girl I didn’t much like even before she started walking and talking and messaging you all during work at the stress-filled call center. You talked about her half as much as your Sargent.

You made promises to me but never kept them. You never wanted to come for family events I invited you to claiming you had overtime. Or had work early. I watched my brother court his fiancé during this time.

He would go to her house though it was a good thirty minutes away, every day. He went to her family events and invited her to ours. He bought her flowers. You never bought me flowers, you never came to family get togethers. You only came out to pick me up for a date 3 times. Why didn’t I see the warning signs in front of me?

On July 4, 2015 you hurt me. You promised to come over and watch the children in my family shoot fireworks. Everyone was excited to meet you. Around 9 P.M. I called you. You said you forgot and how, if you came, you would have to turn around after getting here to go back home. It’s funny how you could stay up til 1 or 2 A.M. playing video games and get up for work at 9 A.M. But you couldn’t hang out with me, someone you claimed to love.

Other red flags were that my family didn’t like you. Innocent little old me thought it was because they didn’t know you.

“He’s cheating on you.” They told me again and again. I couldn’t believe them. Who knows? Maybe you actually were, maybe you weren’t.  

August 11th was the day you called me over, and delivered a letter. You held a pillow against your stomach, resting your chin on your knees. The letter claimed you hated my faith in God. And informed me we were walking two different paths. You didn’t want to ruin me, so you were breaking up with me. Funny how my choices became your fault.

After August 11, 2015, had passed and I was distant from my pain, I saw a pattern between our relationship and the one before me, and then in the relationship status I saw you post on Facebook. Everything added up and I pitied your current girl.

Now, maybe it was circumstances. You broke up with your old girlfriend and your Mom died around the same time. I gave it time, but maybe I jumped in too soon when you asked me to go steady.

I can’t change the past. I can use the red flags and things I learned from this relationship to make my next one out of this world. A relationship that will be even better because I’m no longer as naive.

I’m more than healed and ready to take on another relationship, but with who remains a mystery. I put your ghost aside a while ago, and I never looked back.

 

Edit: I’ve found that break-ups inspire many things. One was a song I wrote called “break up song”. Here’s the link.

Also follow me on Instagram: @AmalysaSkye

I post hiking photos, food photos, cat and dog pics, and whatever I feel like.

 

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3 thoughts on “Dealing with Love’s Ghost

  1. Powerful. I can’t say that I’ve ever loved someone romantically (fortunate or unfortunate?), but I know betrayal stings. The worst of it becomes a poison in your veins. But it always gets better, as you’ve seen for yourself.

    May God bring you someone worthy of your affections. And may both of you know Him.

    Liked by 1 person

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