September 21, 2016
I’m tired. Tired as a horse that pulled the plow then made a mad dash to the doctor and back at the end of the day. I’m tired without doing anything. I cannot speak without slurring and losing the very thought or point I was trying to make. This all began with sleeping too long past three or four alarms for the last two to three weeks.
September 24, 2016
Thought Patterns when I’m Depressed:
So you work in the evenings again. You can write in the mornings. Isn’t that what you wanted?
I don’t feel like doing anything.
Oh, come now, you have to at least try to fight it (depression). Try to do something. You know downward spirals are part and parcel of this.
You have a date today. Are you ready? It’s at 11am. Hurry, get ready.
I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want to talk to anyone.
But he’s a nice guy. You’ve been talking to him for a while now. It’s just a “get to know you better” date, not a frilly date.
I’m gonna bail. I can’t deal with people today. Look, I’m about to cry again.
It’s going to be an outside date. You can be in the trees.
It’s in the city, just a park. You can see the cars pass, squirrels are so tame they don’t run when they see you. You can hear traffic. It’s not the woods I grew up in.
No matter how tame it is, the forest is just the same. Being around people is important, especially right now. It won’t kill you to go. You might feel better afterwards.
And I did feel better. It was a lovely date. There was no pressure; just talking and walking on the trails through the park looking for the alligator in Bona Dea. Thankfully, he was not spotted.